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Sarah laughed as she listened to the joke Daniel was telling her. 'God, his Irish accent is so sexy sometimes', she thought to herself. She paused. What was she thinking? Daniel - sexy? She shouldn't be having thoughts like that about Daniel, she told herself. He was her best friend. She didn't know what she'd do without him, but they were friends, good friends, but just friends, and it could never be any other way. Could it? She stared wistfully at him as he continued talking, allowing herself just a few minutes to imagine what ifs and if onlys.
Daniel felt Sarah's gaze on him, and he smiled up at her, pausing in what he was saying. She broke the connection first, looking away, embarrassed at the intensity of her stare. 'I wonder what that was all about?' he thought.
"I'd better go. I've got a lecture this afternoon," she said standing
up.
She left, leaving Daniel to the growing mountain of revision he had to
tackle for his final exams the next month. They were both final year students,
graduating in just a manner of weeks. Daniel was looking forward to leaving and
already had a job lined up in a bank. He knew Sarah wasn't so pleased to be
leaving, having to leave her friends and the lives they'd all made in the last
three years. The time had passed quickly, too quickly, but Daniel knew it was
time to move on. The only thing he would miss, besides the much-appreciated
student discounts, of course, would be Sarah. 'What am I going to do without
her?', he thought. She was his best friend, she was perfect, and he loved her.
'I love her?!' he wondered, with a shock. Where did that come from? He
wasn't in love with Sarah. Was he?!
'I guess maybe I am', he realised,
finally admitting it to himself. He loved the way her hair shone in the sun, he
loved her smile, her eyes, the way she always laughed at his stupid jokes and
impressions, the way she cared about things, about him. He loved the way they
could talk for hours, or just sit in comfortable silence and watch a film; how
they could have a laugh or be deadly serious. It was so clichéd, he
knew, but the more he considered it the more he knew it was true. He was in
love with Sarah, and he didn't want to lose her. Except he would, as soon as
their exams finished. He'd be off to work in Manchester, whilst she was
starting a teaching course in London. "Talk about bad timing", he remarked to
himself with a groan. What was he supposed to do now? He and Sarah had always
had able to talk about anything. Their relationship was so comfortable, that's
what made it so great. There was no pressure, no expectations. In fact, it
seemed the only thing they couldn't talk about was their relationship. It was
like they'd drawn an invisible line and never crossed it. Just friends - never
any question of anything more - until now? He knew now that friends wasn't
enough, at least for him. What about Sarah, though? She'd never given any
indication that she would want to be more than friends.
'But neither have
you', a small voice in Daniel's head reminded him. 'I can't do it!' he thought.
'I can't risk ruining what we have. I can't risk hurting her!'
'Or is it
you you don't want to hurt. Aren't you just being chicken!' replied the
now-annoying voice.
'Shut up', Daniel told it, and tried to get Sarah out
of his mind.
Sarah, meanwhile, had returned home from a stressful lecture with all the good intentions of doing lots of revision before going to the cinema with Daniel. However, she'd promptly fallen asleep over her books. And she'd had a very 'interesting' dream. She woke with a start, sweat moistening her forehead. She'd dreamt of Daniel. Daniel kissing her, Daniel's hands in her hair, running down her back, her hands on his bare chest....She shook her head, trying to clear the images.
Glancing at her clock, she was shocked to realise that it was already 7.30. Changing quickly, she grabbed a sandwich and prepared to meet Daniel, though God knew she wouldn't be able to look him in the eye after that dream.
Daniel rang Sarah's doorbell at exactly 8.00, with a nervousness he
hadn't felt since, well, never, with Sarah. After all, it was Sarah. Just
Sarah.
Sarah's annoying and interfering flatmate, Cathy, answered the door.
"Hi, Cathy."
"Hi Dan. So, what are you two up to tonight?"
"Just
the cinema," Daniel replied as Sarah came downstairs, hearing the voices.
"Hi Daniel."
"Hi, ready to go?"
"Yeah, all set."
"Have a nice
time. Don't do anything I wouldn't!", remarked Cathy as they left.
Sarah
just groaned, used to Cathy's teasing about the two of them.
On the way to
the cinema their conversation turned to the usual topics:
"So, did you get
much revision done this afternoon?" Sarah asked.
"Some. You?"
"Uh, no.
I, er, fell asleep after my lecture", she replied, and Daniel was sure she was
turning red. They continued in an uncomfortable silence, somewhat uncommon to
them, each deep in thought.
"So, six weeks and we're outta here. It'll be
really good to finally graduate", Daniel said, attempting to break the silence
despite his nervousness. His words were like a knife through the tension
between them. Sarah smiled sadly, avoiding his gaze. 'How have I never noticed
how beautiful she is?' he wondered, only half-listening to her reply.
"It
will be good, but like I said before, I'm really gonna miss everyone. And, I
don't feel grown up enough to be graduating. Oh God, that sounds so silly", she
replied with a grimace.
"You're never silly", Daniel remarked quietly.
"Oh. Thanks", Sarah replied self-consciously. 'What the hell was going on
here?' she thought to herself. Why was she acting like a silly teenager on a
first date. It was only the cinema with Daniel, something she'd done many
times. With thoughts of Daniel, images of her dream started to invade her mind,
and she quickly squashed them before she threatened to go bright red again.
Daniel meanwhile was sneaking nervous glances at her, and he was sure that
his palms were sweaty. Come to think of it, his mouth was going a bit dry as
well.
With a relief he realised that they were at the cinema.
The film
was good, and gave them something to talk about. On the way home the usual
relaxed and comfortable atmosphere between them returned. Until they reached
Sarah's house, that is.
"Do you want to come in. For coffee?" Sarah
offered.
"Uh, no, I'd better not. I've got a busy day tomorrow."
"Alright then. Well, thanks for inviting me. I had a good time."
"Me
too."
Suddenly he was moving close to her. Too close. Sarah could feel her
senses heightening and her skin tingling. Daniel leant even closer, and she
looked up into his deep, dark, brown eyes. Surely Daniel wasn't going to kiss
her, was he?!
Then there was the lightest, softest touch against her lips,
as his lips lightly brushed hers. Before she could respond, he backed away.
"I...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. Bye."
Turning bright red,
Daniel hurried away, leaving Sarah standing on the doorstep, her mouth gaping
open. Coming to her senses minutes later, she went inside and went to bed, but
hardly getting a wink of sleep due to analysing this possible development in
her relationship with Daniel.
'Stupid, stupid, stupid!' Daniel told himself as he walked home, well,
actually, yelled to himself was a better description. He couldn't believe what
he had done.
'Did you see that look on her face. She must think I've gone
completely mad. I've really done it now! She'll never speak to me again. Just
cos I fancy her, how could I be so stupid to think she'd want me to kiss her!'
As much as he'd wanted to kiss Sarah, as much as it seemed a good idea at the
time, Daniel knew it wasn't worth ruining their friendship for it. He valued
that too much. But, he'd had to go and do it, hadn't he? He'd blown it!
Sarah didn't see much of Daniel over the couple of weeks. Both were
busy with revision and exams, and Sarah realised, if she was being honest, she
wasn't sure if she wanted to see him. She still didn't know what to make of
that kiss. She knew she had to talk to him about it, but she really didn't know
what to say to him. The whole situation was way too confusing. Everything was
usually so great between them, part of her couldn't help but wish that Daniel
hadn't kissed her. But, the other part of her was stupidly pleased he had. She
was sure that whenever she thought of it, thought of him, she got a stupid
little grin on her face. However, it wasn't that easy. She did like him, maybe
even could so easily fall in love with him, but she had her exams to
concentrate on. Besides, they'd be finishing university soon and then what
would happen? She couldn't get involved with anyone now, even Daniel. Oh, why
did relationships have to be so awkward, she thought. It was so easy just being
friends with a guy, but the minute that changed, everything became complicated.
She sighed.
'Daniel and I will just have to remain friends', she told
herself firmly, 'that's all there is to it!' And with that, she tried to
concentrate on her revision again, trying to ignore the image of Daniel's brown
eyes boring into hers, and his mouth close to hers.
The lack of communication meant that Daniel and Sarah didn't see each again until their course graduation party, just three days before the end of term. Their whole course was there, so Sarah wasn't surprised to see Daniel over the other side of the room. 'He could at least come over and say hello!" she thought as she sulked into her vodka and coke.
"What's up with you and Dan the man? Why aren't you over there with him?
You should be all over him, you've only got 3 days left!" Cathy asked, being
perceptive for once.
"We're only friends, Cath. I don't have to be with him
all the time, you know!"
"Yeah, yeah".
"Cathy, shut up, you're drunk!"
"I know." She giggled. "And you're being a miserable pain. At least I'm
having a good time. Now, come on!"
Before she could make a getaway, Cathy
had grabbed her arm in a surprisingly strong grip, and she was being pulled
over towards Daniel.
"Have fun, you two", Cathy said as she deposited Sarah
in front of Daniel and made her exit.
"I'll kill her!" Sarah thought,
feeling as she was part of some ludicrous matchmaking scheme. Hey, maybe she'll
even film us for 'Blind-date', she thought with a giggle.
"What's so
funny?" asked Daniel.
"Oh, nothing. So, having fun?"
"Oh, yeah. Best
time I've had all year!" He didn't sound too sure. "You?"
"Um, yeah.
Great!" Sarah began to relax. This wasn't so bad after all. Maybe things would
just stay the same between her and Daniel. She realised he was talking again.
"Sarah, I...Um. Well, I..."
"Daniel, don't. It's alright. I'm just glad
we're friends again. We are friends, aren't we?" she said, not really knowing
what else to say.
"Yeah. Course we are."
"Ok, then, let's go and dance.
This is one of my favourite songs." She led Daniel on to the dancefloor,
feeling much better.
They danced together the rest of the night. As they danced closer and
closer, Daniel couldn't help but think how good, how right, it felt. He wasn't
going to do anything to ruin it though. Sarah also, unknown to Daniel, was
thinking how nice it was to be in Daniel's arms. As the evening went on, Sarah
got more and more tearful about leaving university, and Daniel decided to walk
her home. Soon Sarah found herself in her room, Daniel somehow still at her
side.
"Right, coffee for you, I think!" he remarked cheerfully as Sarah
collapsed into an armchair. He made coffee and the two sat again in comfortable
silence.
"Oh, God!" Sarah suddenly exclaimed, "This is it. This is really
it. We've finished. We're real grown-ups now. You're going to have a proper
grown-up job! And I'll never see you again! Or anyone else! Do you know how
difficult it's going to be to stay in touch with people? Some people are going
to America you know, and Japan."
"Hey, don't worry. There's always phone
calls, and e-mail."
"I know. It's not the same though."
"Oh, no. Don't
cry. Really, it's be alright. You'll be alright!" Daniel tried as he saw tears
begin to well up in Sarah eyes.
"Sorry, I'm being silly." She replied as
she stared to wipe her eyes. Daniel went over to sit on the arm of her chair,
putting a friendly arm around her.
"No, I'm sorry. Cry if you really have
to. But, trust me, it will be OK." He leant over and brushed away her tears.
"Yeah, I trust you," she replied as his hand moved to cup her face. She
found herself once again gazing into his gorgeous brown eyes, which were
staring into hers with an intensity she'd never seen before. She gulped. 'What
now?' she thought.
"I..."
"Shh." he said, as he leant closer; and he
kissed her, briefly yet tenderly, no longer caring if it ruined things. Maybe
it was the atmosphere of the evening, maybe it was the alcohol, but this time,
he knew he had to go for it, whatever happened.
"Sorry", he said as she
caught her breath, but his smile implied he wasn't sorry at all.
His hand
was still on her face, his face close to hers. Sarah caught her breath, not
sure exactly what was going on, but not wanting to pull away.
"It won't
happen again", he whispered, as he kissed her again, more passionately. Her
heart skipped another beat, and she began to respond.
"Wow," she managed at
last, as they broke.
"Yeah," he grinned.
Still acutely aware of how
close he was, Sarah tried to regain her senses.
"Daniel, are you sure?
We've got so little time..."
"Very sure."
"But what if this ruins
everything between us?" she whispered, not sure if she still believed that was
possible.
"And what if it makes it even better. This is right. We both know
it."
"Yes", she whispered. He stood up, grabbing her hands and pulling her
up with him, putting his arms around her, his touch making her skin tingle.
Sarah finally surrendered to the truth. They were perfect for each other. They
kissed again, longer and more passionately, Daniel's hands running through her
hair and then down her back. Real life is much better than dreams, thought
Sarah, as she gave in to the sweet taste of Daniel's lips.
And she knew
that although it was the end of one part of their lives, it was also the start
of another.